Genesis

To quote a certain famous super-hero - "Who am I? Are you sure you want to know?"
That's pretty much the usual start of a conversation that me and 'the voices' often have. Then it tends to move off onto something a little more random like a plan involving plutonium, a hammer, and a jellyfish.

So are you sure you wanna know?

Well a phrase that seems to suit me best is "an accident prone gullible random dumbass extraordinaire", but it often just gets shortened to "idiot". It's hard to decide which one I'm more of being though - accident prone or gullible. For starters - I'm the guy who, through the joke of a couple I know who were dating, managed to be convinced that a woman's breasts 'squeek' when squeezed.

In terms of being accident prone, a general example would be from today at work. I work at Tesco on the night-shift stocking shelves, and I was trying to (unsuccessfully) drag a box of Ready-Brek breakfast cereal off the top of my cage. So I figured that if dragging doesn't work, then pushing it up into the air and catching it would. Suffice to say - I got hit in the face by 7½kg of Ready-Brek.

Although, that probably doesn't really compare to when I used to work at some factory watching raisins go past on a conveyor belt and every 10 minutes or so I'd have to pull out a stalk. I got fired for falling asleep on the conveyor belt.

Generally, work and I don't go hand-in-hand. It often only takes a couple of days for me to get my reputation for being clumsy. Although I was pretty excited with myself when it took a whole 4 days to get it at Tesco. I think it scares people when they witness it first-hand but luckily I'm quite self-contained. Haven't injured anyone else so far.

I wonder if I'm eligible for life insurance?!?