Credit Where Credit's Due....

Today I had a conversation with my good friend Matthew and it appears that I have neglected to mention something in my last post...

Al: I've put pornolizer on my blog hehe
Matt: yeah I saw
Matt: I noticed I didnt get the credit....
Matt: tut tut

Matt was the one that pornolized my faceparty profile to begin with. Then (if I remember correctly) he then pornolized my blog. Being pornolized is something that you could be offended by if you weren't aware what pornolization is - but I think it can be somewhat of an honour to be pornolized as long as no animals are harmed in the process....

BIG Changes ahead!

Been a while since I last posted something on here. There's a reason for that - and for once it's not because I've been lazy. No, infact it's because I've been very busy.

I'm still nowhere in terms of getting past unemployment, but there is something that I've been working on. I used to have a website over at bdtek.com but it kind of went down. It kind of wasn't really much of a website either. To be honest, it was pretty naff. Okay, you couldn't get much naffer. The worst thing about it was that there was no content on it at all, no purpose, no nothing, although it did (and still does) have an email system.

So I'm revamping it. It will be home to this blog, the email system and maybe a couple of other things, I'm not sure yet because I haven't thought that far ahead. The site design is being shared with another site - http://osx.portraitofakite.com (the home of Chris Kite's 'FlyakiteOSX' software). The two of us have been working together on bringing you a completely new and innovative website interface. I'm not going to reveal too many details until launch, but both sites will be themed to look like the upcoming Apple Macintosh Operating System, Mac OS X 10.4 "Tiger". There's even going to be a music player for broadband users - and if you're a musician or band then we may even feature your music on there!

We've spent hours every night for over a week now, slaving away over more html, javascript and php code than I ever have done and ever really want to. As of writing, the FlyakiteOSX website is almost complete. We're mainly fixing some bugs that are showing up and then we need to fill in some content and then it'll be finished and then ported over to BDTek.com where we will then re-write it for this site too. I'm hoping that the whole process will take less than a week from now.


Other News

We've got less than 3 weeks till our performance of Hobson's Choice by Harold Brighouse. It's being directed by Simon Wain and I've been cast as Willie Mossop.

Synopsis
A classic Lancashire comedy set in the 1880s. Henry Horatio Hobson, a widower and boot shop proprietor is much incensed at the "general increase in uppishness" amongst his three daughters. His eldest daughter, Maggie, being also incensed by being told she is too old to marry, retaliates by marrying the boot-hand Willie Mossop. Henry's other two daughters, Alice and Vickey, are also awaiting marriage to two fine young men, but Henry vetoes this when he learns that there will be "settlements".

Henry lays down the Law to his daughters, but Maggie has other ideas, and a chain of events is set in motion over which Henry has no control. Willie a mild mannered and meek person soon realises that neither has he! Henry soon find out that he has no choice at all....

Dates & Times
The show is running 8th-12th February 2005 at Daneside Theatre in Congleton, Cheshire, UK (roughly in-between Crewe and Macclesfield in South-Cheshire).

Tickets
Tuesday (first night) £ 4.00
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday £ 6.00
Concessions (Wednesday and Thursday) £ 5.00

Tickets are available by contacting;
Margaret Hoult :Tel. 01260 273947 or
Congleton Tourist Information Centre : Tel. 01260 271095

You can find out more about the Congleton Players by visiting our website here; http://www.danesidetheatre.co.uk/players.html


I feel like I'm starting to get stereotyped in these shows. When I first joined The Players in 'Allo Allo' I was working backstage with a small onstage part as a blow up doll. A couple of performances later in 'Fur Coat & No Knickers' they managed to use a real blow-up doll instead of me - but I did have to open Act 2 in my underwear. That, and an incredibly tight pair of 70's-style flares apparently started off some discussions and debates which I'm kinda glad I never heard first-hand. In 'Hobson's Choice', I don't exactly get down to my underwear but I do end up getting changed on-stage.

I've just started rehearsals for another show called 'Pharoah to Freedom' which I've been asked to help produce aswell as star in (as both Moses and Jesus). And it's happened again! Only this time I'll be wearing less than ever - I'm down to nothing but a loincloth.

Anyway, I've got to get back to working on the new website(s) so in the meantime, you can play around with this hilarious website:

http://www.pornolize.com

It's "safe for work" but I do caution that it does contain some very strong language.
If you're after some ideas for websites to translate with it, then try these;
http://www.faceparty.com/shloerolic
http://www.danesidetheatre.co.uk
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/film/4191503.stm

Even Superheroes Need Photo ID

Tonight, I am taking a break from fighting evil villains and making the world safe for all mankind and pandas. Because my last blog was entirely about City of Heroes it's got me thinking that maybe I'm spending too much time on it. That, and the fact that my friend Kate told me I was. Although, my mate Matt didn't seem to mind;

Matt: Catch you later dude- nice blog by the way
Matt: Excellent use of quoting tenacious d in your most recent blog
Matt: A+

It's quite nice to receive an A+. Especially just for quoting Tenacious D. I wish life were just that easy. Heck, for years I've been wanting to get paid just to sleep. I enjoy it, it's relaxing, I don't have to do much - why not get paid for it? I could play the dead dude in the morgue in a film. I could pretend not to have witnessed a bank robbery because I was asleep at the counter. Now that I think about it, I have been paid for being asleep. Well, it was more whilst I was asleep than for. And not just in one job either. It's just that there's only two that have caught me sleeping and only one of them actually fired me for it (falling asleep on a conveyor-belt is a dead giveaway).

If you've never heard the song before, the quote was from Tenacious D's song "Wonderboy". I was out with two friends of mine (Craig and Tom) the other night, and we were singing along to Wonderboy whilst Tom broadcasted it to the car radio from his iPod via some transmitter he's got for it. It's Craig's car. He's a good driver - he actually managed to pass his test with NO minors. It's a good car too (it's red) but it has no aerial. The problem this causes is that it doesn't always pick up the iPods transmission. It's fine when you're driving straight, it's fine when you reverse or just stay put. It works fine when you turn left, but turn right.... and it stops working. Suffice to say, roundabouts just aren't as fun.

So we arrived at a pub and proceeded to order our drinks. Craig and Tom were after alcohol but I just wanted a Pepsi. Then the barmaid asked them for ID. Then I was asked for ID. I don't drink so what the hell would I need ID for? So I show them my credit card to prove I'm over 18, and the manager comes out and says that all three of us need photo ID. I got ID'd for a Pepsi and couldn't get served! So we went out for a curry.

Tom and Craig both had korma's, whilst I had a vindaloo. When it comes to spicy food, I'm perfectly fine. I'm just used to it so it doesn't really effect me. Craig didn't dare try my vindaloo (my guess is probably because he was driving) but Tom wanted to have a go. He almost choked and his face went bright red as his mouth was burned to a crisp. Desperate to wipe off any excess vindaloo, he ended up using his naan bread as a napkin. It was a really good meal.

Kate came back the other day too. She treated me to a chinese and then I introduced her to Dave Gorman's Googlewhack Adventure and we had a really good time. And then I stayed up. I stayed up all night and at 6am I went out for a walk. Why? Because my Dad was coming back - that's why!

He'd caught me at home the night before at 7:10am (I was on City of Heroes). I'm not supposed to finish work till 8am and then it takes me 15 minutes to walk home. So I told him that they asked me to go in an hour early to help with a big delivery and that someone gave me a lift home. Quickly recovered. But I figured that with it being a Monday morning he'd be back here doing work and spotting me in my room early on a Monday would be too suspicious. He's already been askin me if I've been fired yet, or how long till I expect to be fired. On my journeys I went to Tesco and picked up some Coke (because I know that they'll serve me without asking for ID) and returned home, where my dad could see my Tesco bag in all its glory. I even have a jumper and shirt that somehow look similar to what I used to wear when I worked there. Maybe not the best of things to admit to having but as long as I run up to my room and get changed and into bed quickly not giving my dad time to notice, then he doesn't. Which is cool.

But I can't do this forever. I can't afford to do it. I don't feel comfortable having to lie about it. And there are places I'd rather be at 6am, and that's in bed - not stocking shelves or shopping at the place I used to stock shelves.

But on a plus-note, Ice Popcicle emailed me a picture he took of me falling out of the sky onto the monorail from his point-of-view....

I looked down...

With Great Power Comes Great Pain

So I've been playing City of Heroes again and rejoined my Supergroup, known as 'The Jedi Council' (absolutely no relation to my earlier journey towards the dark-side). We went into some abandoned building to track down a couple of evil villains but they were well guarded by many (and I mean many!) very strong, very tough men - with super-powers of their own. We were completely outnumbered and although we may have been able to complete our mission and defeat them, other people were having enough trouble fighting their own fatigue. And so, one by one my team mates left for bed, leaving fewer of us to fight. In the end, we decided to retreat.

Preparing to take on one the many gangs
spread throughout the building

As I mentioned in my last post, you gain experience. If you get enough, then you go up a skill level. The problem is, if you gain any experience but die before you have defeated your enemies, then you are in debt by that much experience and need to reclaim it. The mission in the building had me dying about 3 times over (but two men known as Trell and Coalfield kindly used their healing powers to resurrect me). Suffice to say, I left that building in a lot of debt.

As more and more people left, I found myself teamed up with a hero called Ice Popcicle. He stuck with me whilst he gained experience to push him up to level 10 and whilst I repaid my debt and moved from level 9 to 10 aswell. He's called Ice Popcicle because he has the power to turn himself into a block of ice and freeze his enemies in their tracks. He's great and we made a very good team between us, defeating hoards of outcasts and trolls whilst having [un]intelligent conversations about such things as looking for meaty targets (and about whether to become vegetarian after coming up against too-tough a target).

The deadly 'Ice Popcicle'

Better than an ice-pack

Meet Mr FluffyRabbit

As you travel through Paragon City, there's rarely a moment that you don't notice a well dressed superhero or one with a catchy name (or if your lucky, both). One of the funniest-named heroes that I've ever seen has got to be Mr FluffyRabbit (see picture above). He never spoke to me (I was running either to somewhere or from something at the time) but I checked out his biography which says; "I am a mean rabbit and I am here to kick butts!"
Fantastic!

Also, I finally aquired a new power!

What powers you ask?
I dunno how 'bout the power of flight?
That do anything for ya?
That's levitation, holmes.

The Man of Slate can now fly. Well, not fly per say, it's more of a hover for now - but flight will come later. But before I can fly properly I'm trying to build up my super-speed.

Just wait till I get my cape!

Comin' thru!

Don't look down!

The monorail you see on the third picture I aimed for, dropped out of the sky and landed on. It hurt. Almost killed me. But the thing about this game is that whilst you can die at the hands of your mortal enemies, you can't actually commit suicide. Fall out of the sky? Nope. Get hit by a train? Nah-ah! Get hit by a blimp? Skewer your right testicle.

It's true! There I was, having Ice Popcicle bowing at the greatness that is my ability to hover (as if) and a blimp came around the corner. I went for a closer look and alas - I got skewered against it. Ice Popcicle couldn't see the damage that had been done, and all he asks is "Can't you stop it?!?". No... you can not stop a blimp. Not even with your testicles. Not that stopping things with testicles is a good idea - especially if such an object is sharp and pointy or made of lead.

"Oh hail the mighty Cryden"

It's the GoodYear Blimp!

Flying for a closer look

Too close for comfort

And away we go...

City of Heroes allows you to perform certain actions and gestures, and I've been having a lot of fun using them at heights I couldn't originally reach. For example, in the screenshot below you can see me really showing off by performing yoga in the sky just feet above pedestrians. And you know what's even better? I actually found Batman!

Bringing peace to Paragon City

Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah BATMAN!!!

1st Week of 2005: The Lowdown

So how's this first week been? And why no posts this year until now?

Well, I was supposed to start the new year out by going to a party with my mates, but my mate Chris has a girlfriend with a kid. Her sister was supposed to babysit for them but pulled out only a few days earlier so they asked me if I could babysit. There was no way that they'd get another babysitter so I agreed to help them out. Their kid's a good kid and we had a good time watching the 3D animated series of spider-man, hehe. Whilst he was asleep, I played Spider-Man 2 on their X-Box. It suddenly occured to me that there's something that Spider-man doesn't have that would make his whole life a lot easier.

Minions.

Spider-man should get himself a bunch of minions. Just think of the possibilities. He can leave minions with thugs to give eye-witness reports to the police - he can take on a lot more bad guys at once and when it comes to villains like Doc Ock - then he can just surround them with his loyal minion army.

Rehearsals for Hobson's Choice have started back up now that Christmas is over, and we'll be performing in 4 weeks.

I've also been busy helping out Flyakite with his new website (just wait till you see the new version) and the benefit is that because it's a joint effort, I'll be using a similar-based website myself. This blog will more than likely also move to a new site with a brand new design - the main reason being that I can customize it more than I can on this current server.


And now the other reason I've not been around much. I've been beta-testing a new game called City of Heroes. It's an mmorpg and because it's beta, I don't have to pay to play. But in a months time, it will cost £29.99 to buy and then there'll be a subscription fee on top of that which, in my current unemployed state, I won't be able to afford.

Basically, you design a superhero, give him/her a few basic powers, and then you venture around a place called Paragon City killing thugs and defeating evil monsters that threaten the city. The more experienced you get, the higher level you become and the more powers you can have such as super-speed, super-strength and flight, just to name a few. I've seen a few people who look like Wolverine (with working claws), I've seen a guy who's the spitting image of the hulk and even a guy in a suit dressed as the invisible man (and he can infact become invisible). So far, no Batman though. It's an addictive game and we've spent a lot of time defeating a mechanical monster known as The Paladin. It's one hell of a beast and can take about 15+ heroes to successfully defeat.

Heroes preparing to attack the half-built Paladin

Behold this mighty behemoth

...And now we have to run!

My character (uninspiringly named 'Cryden') I've based on superman (pretty much the same costume but a different logo and the sleeves rolled up). You can see it in the screenshot above. The amount of character customization is amazing! I've seen loads of heroes and no two that look alike! At the time of writing, I am at level 9, but once you reach level 20 then you can get a cape! To some it's just cool, to others it shows that they're all mighty and powerful - and to others, it will just nicely finish off their costume, hehe.


As I write this, Sons & Daughters has just started on TV (an australian soap). You only need listen to the theme tune to know that it's gonna be a bad show. And 10 seconds into it you get instant confirmation that it is, and why it's only shown on channel 5 at 5am. Just the fact that a woman does the most pathetic, unrealistic shriek at a plastic toy spider that someone's left as a practical joke is... well... I don't think there's even a word for it. Someone then damaged the steering on a car and unfortunately they didn't crash.

And lastly, I highly recommend Dave Gorman's Googlewhack Adventure on DVD. You can order it online from Play.com but I found it a lot cheaper at Woolworths for £4.99.

If someone called you a Googlewhack what would you do? You probably wouldn't embark on a 91,000 mile journey around the world. But then, you're not Dave Gorman are you?

It's a fantastic DVD and had me in stitches for ages. My eyes were watering because I was laughing so hard. The DVD has some good features too. If you've got a spare fiver lying around - then I highly recommend you go out of your way to go buy it now!


What are you still doing here? Go Quickly. NOW!

Or else I shall release my minions upon you . . .