Return to the Lion's Den

It's not a den. And there are no lions. But nevertheless, I returned to it. The place that I once called Tesco. I still call it Tesco, only I don't work there anymore. I am once again; the customer.

I went there to drop off my cardinal card. Now to me, the cardinal card system is bizarre. The idea is that you put money on it and then you use it on all the vending machines in the staff canteen area. One of the reasons for this is because they often do random searches on lockers and on your person, and if you're caught with money then you can get in trouble for theft. Now in all the time I was there I never knew of anyone getting searched, but anyway, what gets me is that you need to take money in with you to be able to put it on your cardinal card for it to work. It sees to me as though you can basically get in trouble for carrying a wallet with money which you intend to put on your cardinal card in order to get the wonderful chocolate located within their vending machines so that they can make a profit by ripping off your sorry ass. Without the ass-ripping part.

Anyways, so I dropped it off with my ex-supervisor, made a point to her that I'm going to go to the job centre to sign-on soon, bought some food (yes - that includes pizza), paid and then walked out and gave the store the finger!

Well, okay, I didn't give it the finger, as I thought that was a bit harsh. So I just pointed at it aggressively.

May The Force Leave Me Alone

I think it will be a long time before I understand a human's capacity for cravings. Now cravings for food and sexual cravings and cravings to be with someone are all kind of cravings I can understand, but it's the cravings for things that we don't even like that confuse me. For instance, I remember as a child suddenly having a craving for Marmite - and I HATE marmite!

But recently for me, it's been Star Wars. I've never liked Star Wars.

Lightsabers?

Yes.


Droids?

Yes.


Star Wars?

No.

The overall Star Wars thing I just don't like. There's a lot that I consider stupid about it - like Jedi's that require years of training - and yet Luke Skywalker somehow manages it within two weeks (calculate the time yourself and tell me I'm wrong!) The End of Episode IV: A New Hope looks so stupid and fake at that ceromony, and the Imperial Walkers which (not counting that they'd be faster and more effective if they had wheels) are difficult to destroy unless you;
a) wrap a cable around the legs so that it trips over - and then one or two blaster hits will suddenly cause it to explode which apparently can't happen if it's standing up (is this supposed to be a metaphor for being drunk?)
b) hit a couple of exposed pipes with your lightsaber. It will then self destruct and the bridge/head/command centre thing will also suddenly explode.

Now Star Wars is one of those things which I've never really liked, but I don't actually count it as bad. For me it's one of those personal preference things and I personally don't like it - but as a movie fan I can certainly appreciate it and understand why it gets 5 star ratings and such a huge fanbase. I watched them as a kid and didn't like the films. When I grew up I watched them all over again for the benefit of the doubt. I even saw Episode 1 (which even fans haven't enjoyed lol). And whilst I'm not a fan of the movies, I've found a couple of the computer games to be quite fun to play.

So what about this craving? Well a few weeks ago I got an inexplicable craving to watch Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones. There was no trigger. I never walked past a Star Wars poster or saw a Star Wars trailer or had someone talk to me about Star Wars - it just popped in there. So I downloaded the trailer to remind myself that I'm not a fan of Star Wars. That didn't help.

I eventually watched Episode II and to some extent enjoyed it. What I liked about it was watching what will eventually turn Anakin Skywalker into Darth Vader. I'm a big fan of Smallville (essentially Superman: The Early Years for those unfamiliar with the show). The setup for Smallville was to have Lex Luthor and Clark Kent as best friends. You know they will someday become enemies and it's the path they take that's so interesting. Smallville: Season 4 is really starting to show the tension between the two of them and the same theme resonates with Episode II. I also liked the idea of StormTroopers being left-over from the Clone Wars, who they happen to be clones of [avoiding any spoilers hehe] and that in Episode II they get to battle and wipe out all those odd droids shown in Episode I.

Yesterday I watched Episode IV again on TV. I waited mainly to see the conversation between Luke and Obi Wan Kenobi talking about Anakin. But at that very moment, my Dad walks into the room, places himself between me and my brand-new TV and starts having a go at me because I'd accidentally left the front-door open. He then wanted me to put some clothes in the washing machine which I agreed to do so during the adverts - which also led to me trying to explain to my dad the difference between a TV and a video (I kept telling him and he kept on askin if it was on TV now - how much proof does he need?!?). Conversation over, argument settled, he finally agrees to move away from the TV and Luke's jumping into his hover-car-esque mobile and driving off.

The only part of the film I was actually waiting for - and he goes and spoils it. Why do I feel the need to write about this? Because less than an hour ago I also just missed an entire episode of The Simpsons over an argument about job searching and also about my current job working at Tesco (oh yeah - he doesn't know I've been laid-off yet...)

The thing about my Dad is that he'll choose 3 opportunities to have an argument:
1. During the middle of a TV programme or film on TV that you can't pause
2. In the car where you can't escape [safely]
3. Whilst you're eating pizza (oh the nerve...)


In Conclusion:

• I've been taken over by the Dark Side of the Force
• Luke Skywalker is the worst-trained Jedi ever! (Proof)
• A "hover-car-esque mobile" is in fact called a Landspeeder (thanks Flyakite)
• My Dad does not know about me getting laid-off
• The reason for this is because I wanted to eat pizza when I got home
• I want my own C3PO to stand by my door and hit my Dad over the head should it sense anger from him
• Or my own R2D2 to do the same but to punch him in the groin with one of those... gadgets
• I'm confused as to whether 'Obi Wan' is his full first name, or if 'Wan' is his middle name?
• Gillette should consider making real mini-lightsabers for a closer, more sensative shave
• Pizza is amazingly good - and anyone who dare disagree or interupt the eating thereof should be taken out and be repeatedly beaten to death with an oyster

Sam playing in the icy snow

My mom showing Sam the new Canada Goose that she got for christmas for her Lake/Pond thing in our backyard. Luckily she wasn't quacking at this point (my mom - not the goose).

Sam riding off on his new motorbike....

Sam with the Thunderbird 2 I bought him for Christmas

My Brother Sam about to attack me with a snowball (which was actually more ice than snow)

A Most Excellent Christmas [inc. Review: House of Flying Daggers]

I hope you all had a great Christmas. Mine was good - was able to spend it with my 5 year old brother which was fantastic. When you find out that Santa isn't real, Christmas suddenly ain't as much fun. But when you're 21 and have a 5 year old brother who does believe in Santa - then it's brilliant!

He thought he saw Santa flying overhead on Christmas Eve - and I swear - that kid can get ready for bed FAST! It was like a mad panic dash to get the carrots out for Rudolph and the Diet Coke for my mo... I mean, for Santa and then into bed to sleep before Santa flew past and didn't stop because my brother was still awake.

He was ready in under 2 minutes! It was amazing!

Me and my brother had a great time and he loved the huge Thunderbird 2 toy that I got him. He's also wanted a motorcycle ever since I got mine a few years ago and so his Christmas wish came true when my mom got him a childsize battery-operated one.

I got some pretty neat stuff too like a 256mb USB MP3 player (yah!) and a couple of DVDs and stuff. And of course lots of chocolate which I had gratifyingly devoured within 24 hours...

I was quite disturbed on the morning of Christmas Eve - when I went upstairs to find my mother in her nightie, stood at the window QUACKING loudly! I swear, this is no joke - she was quacking like a duck at all the other ducks on her lake for about 10 minutes!!! I asked Sam if she quacks a lot and apparently she does - and agreed that it was silly. The look on his face and tone in his voice just said that although he knows it's stupid, he now just ignores it. He's a smart kid for a 5-year-old. I daren't even guess what's wrong with my mom...

Then on Boxing Day I returned home and went next-door to spend Christmas with my American neighbours. There was a fair amount of people there - Kate, her boyfriend Simon and his kid Beth; Chris, his girlfriend Simone (hmm, for the first time just noticed the similarity there) and her kid Zack; Chris's twin brother Dave and their parents Paul and Lesley. Paul and Lesley bought me some shoes after throwing away a pair of trainers I had which had holes in the bottom, a book called The Da Vinci code and a cookery book (and yes, that was intended as a hint for me lol).

But NOTHING could have prepared me for what everyone else between them would get me.

They bought me a TV....

It's amazing too! It even comes with a remote so now I don't have to get my lazy ass outta bed to change the channel and it has a 16:9 widescreen mode aswell. It's brilliant. Absolutely fantastic!

THEY BOUGHT ME A TV!!!

I was just in utter shock when they brought it into the room for me. It was astounding. I can't even begin to express how thankful I am to them. My neighbours have been there for me through a lot of stuff and over the last few years I've even thought of them as family. They're great and I don't know what I'd do without them.



Review: House of Flying Daggers

I went to the cinema with my neighbours last night and we watched a chinese film called House of Flying Daggers. (The original title is Shi mian mai fu which literally translated means Ambush from Ten Sides). It's an odd film this one. If you like Kung Fu movies then this one is definately one to watch because the cinematography is excellent and the fight scenes are pretty damn good. It's the rest that's a bit odd...

The further on the story goes, the more bizarre it becomes. It's about a group of people called The Flying Daggers who oppose the government. The government send a man on a mission to locate this group and discover its new leader by befriending one of its members, the blind daughter of the old leader.

It grows into a love story between the two and her old lover and ends with a battle for her love. There's something enchanting about this love story and the whole three-way relationship. Whilst the plot seems a bit dodgy in places, there was something about the three of these characters that probably contributed to myself being compelled to keep watching. Two scenes from the movie that are especially impressive though are near the beginning with the Echo Game and when an army are jumping through bamboo trees.

But whilst I enjoyed it and somehow felt compelled to keep watching, there was times when it was just plain stupid. Aside from its slow moments, there are things like summer changing to autumn and then to winter in the space of five minutes in real-time. Daggers can change direction mid-flight at will. A guy gets a dagger in his back which appears not to injure him in the slightest. And then a woman tells him to leave it in so he does so. The main guy (Jin) is supposed to be closer to his enemy than the love interest (Mei) and appears to be so, but then it switches to a far shot and it looks like he's further away than he was 10 minutes ago! There are many more bizarre moments like this.

And people just won't die!!!

You have to feel sorry for Mei who unfortunately appears to die about 3 times over. She just refuses to die. And whilst the two men will no doubt be glad that she's still alive, you're left just wanting her to get it over with and either make a miraculous recovery or just... die. I also felt as though the twist in the middle was just made up on the spot - so instead of it being pre-planned, it feels more like the writer just thought half way through "oooh - this will be a good twist if I do this" because after watching the end, the beginning suddenly makes no sense.

It's not a bad movie and worth watching but only if you don't expect too much from it and just watch it for the fight scenes and amazing cinematography. And then just accept the rest as a joke. Keep an eye out for the dodgy translation in the subtitles - it's obviously translated by someone chinese who doesn't fully understand words in certain contexts - such as the use of the term Playboy.

I'd probably recommend watching it alongside another movie, but I wouldn't disagree with IMDB's rating of 7.3/10.

View the Trailer.
Read more about it on the Internet Movie DataBase: House of Flying Daggers

Merry Christmas!

I'd love to be able to make a longer post, but I'm running late and might miss my train because Tesco wanted me to work an extra hour so I'm an hour behind.

But anyway, I'm off to spend the next few days with my 5 year old brother, Sam.


I hope you have a great Christmas.



Al.

Laid-Off

Okay, so "fired" wasn't exactly a correct term to use, as I have in fact been laid-off. How this improves my situation I don't know.

Originally they said I could work overtime on the last Tuesday & Wednesday before Christmas and also on boxing day. Boxing day pays about 3 times my normal wages, meaning that I could earn about £18 per hour for shoving things onto a shelf.

Then they told me that they had to lay me off because they've overspent on wages. Of course I was so happy to know that not only will I be unemployed again, but I'll also be able to have a reunion with some of my fellow work mates when the job-centre re-opens after this festive season. Unfortunately, being laid-off also means that I can't do Tuesday & Wednesday overtime. Luckily I can still work on Boxing day.

Well, that was the case up until the other day when they said that Boxing day counts as a new week and that working that day would totally mess up their wage system or something and make everything complicated and confusing. Which meant basically that the Sunday just gone was to be my last day. But no! It turns out that due to some reason with having to drop Boxing day, I now owe THEM 6 hours which I either work for free, or they just take it out of my wages.

Sounds to me more like they'd rather not pay me but still get 6 hours out of me than to pay me 3 days wages for a single days work.

Then they had the cheek to ask me if that was okay?!?

I feel sorry for the other 8 or so people that are also in my situation. There's nothing much I can actually do - nothing I say would allow me to keep my job or for anyone else to keep theirs. I just think that it's insensitive of Tesco to lay people off 3 days before Christmas, and with only giving them a weeks notice because people such as myself had already done Christmas shopping after budgeting expecting to still be employed and getting paid after Christmas.

So back I go, living life according to Odd-Todd but on the plus side I can ignore all the problems that Tesco have left me with by enjoying Christmas with my 5 year old brother.

Then after that, I'm spending Boxing Day with my neighbours so all in all should be good fun!


And today I'm liking the word 'nugget'.

I'm Back...

Hey guys. Did you miss me? Nah, thought not...
Okay, back to business...

"How was work?" Well, that's a mixed one really. They had me shifting fruit and veg around as usual, and then moved me to milk! I love milk. Especially the milk I was doing today. (Trying to avoid bursting out with "ain't milk brilliant!"). I was doing all that UHT milk that nobody really likes but what makes supermarket milk absolutely fantastic is that all the bottles are made of PLASTIC! I kept dropping so many of those suckers all over the place that if they were glass I'd be in a LOT of trouble! Some came in cartons which are surprisingly tough too. There's a few on the shelf now that are a little bit battered but luckily haven't leaked. Hope no-one noticed that they looked perfectly fine when they came off the lorry at 2am.

They also had me dealing with coffee too. Now anyone that knows me knows that I hate hot drinks (with the exception of my friend Emma's hot chocolate). I had no idea how many types of coffee you could get. There's gold, decaf, gold decaf, expresso, vanilla, instant, self-heating, mint, latte, cream - there's about as many different varieties of coffee on that one shelf as there are pigeons in Trafalgar square. Yet there's this one tiny packet of coffee by a company called San Francisco Bay that I found all alone on the shelf of buscuits opposite. I spent literally 30 minutes trying to help him find his little friends. I kept asking "Where do you come from?" - and then threatened any smart-ass packet of coffee that dared reply with "San Francisco." Then my supervisor finally tells me that the reason I can't find his little friends is because we no longer stock San Francisco Bay Coffee.
Well that was fun.

Anyway, I was walkin around and found that someone had left the wall open. Yah - you didn't misread that - Someone... left the wall... open.....

Okay, there's this door in Tesco which says "Staff Only" which obviously means that I can go in there and you can't. But don't worry, you're not missing anything. (It's cold, they don't let you eat any of the food and they force you to work ). There's a bit of the wall next to it which is also on a hinge and someone had left that open instead of the door. Not only that, but they also left me standing there for a couple of minutes totally confused out of my mind, trying to figure out what the hell was going on and why I'd just walked through a wall. I'd also just eaten 3 chocolate bars and downed two cans of Coke moments earlier which might have something to do with my mass confusion.

I read the paper again.

An elderly lady accidentally drove her car into an opticians.

I think there's a joke in there somewhere...

A thief's attempt to steal from a chinese monastery was foiled by two of the monks. They were both trained in Karate and totally kicked his ass!

There's a sperm donor who's fathered about 23 kids - but unfortunately he and his wife are having difficulties making a child of their own.

Todays stories just seemed ironic more than anything.

But all in all, it's been a pretty good day. Learnt a lot about coffee. Played hide & seek with none-existant coffee. Had enough money to afford to use one of the lockers to store nothing but my house keys and about 23 pence in change just for the sake of it. I managed to survive the whole day without injuring myself. Got to work on time. Got through all of my deliveries and some back-stock. Got juiced-up, psyched-up, from two cans of caffenaginated goodness. Stayed on the good-side of my supervisor. The same Christmas CD that's played every single day on repeat for at least 3 hours was thankfully restricted to about 20 minutes. Managed to sort my head out after the last week I've had. My legs didn't fall off. Spoke to my friend Kate on the phone this morning and hopefully should be seeing her later today.



Oh yeah, and I got fired....

The Void Continues

I'm afraid that the lack of updates will continue for quite a while as I am currently trying to cope with and get over a couple of personal issues that I'd rather not talk about.

I'm sorry about all this. Do not worry and please keep checking back as I will hopefully be back to my old dumbass self in time.



Al.

The Void

So first of all I'm posting at least once-a-day, and then I'm making a post about posting at least once-a-day.

And then I... don't.

Whilst I'd like to admit that I've been too busy poking a penguin you'll be releived to know that this is not the case. Nor have I been abducted by a gang of Eskimo-Ninjas or wild bears. And it's not like the time about 6 months ago where I finally discovered "outside".

No, instead I've heard some bad news from a friend that's taken a lot of my time lately I'm afraid.

So for now, I'm going to leave you with a few classic flash movies that I've picked out from my Firefox bookmarks;

Girl Singing at Work
Banana Phone
XiaoXiao
Potter Puppet Pals
Potter Puppet Pals 2

Reflections of a Blog

It's strange, when I first planned on writing this blog, I was only expecting to be doing maybe two posts a week. But so far it's been at least 1 a day. Consistancy isn't something that people normally relate to me. I've even got one friend who was taken back a bit by surprise when he read the blog today, having not read it since the second post or so...

Abb: JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!!
Abb: you've been a busy poster in your blog, havent you
Al: lol
Abb: I expected one or two
Abb: but whole pages?
Al: I know
Abb: you're such a dumbass

I'm back at work again tonight, shifting things and moving things and lifting things and breaking things and tripping over things and noticing new things and forgetting old things and a few something somethings... I'm a bit tired, so going to rest now before my shift.


In the meantime though, you can Poke a Penguin